It’s a miracle that I am still alive. I'm relatively intelligent, after all, I did graduate college. Granted, it was the University of South Carolina but who’s keeping score. Graduating from that university takes the same amount of brainpower it takes the average person to figure out how to weigh a bunch of Bananas on the self-checkout at the grocery store. I only needed to possess the cognitive capacity to not forget my change that will be dispensed below.
I'm a bright person but I may not be that smart. I can be quick with a quip or witty retort and I can use words like quip and retort but that’s kind of where it all ends. The other place I was accepted was the University of New Hampshire, which really isn’t a big deal, but to its credit, UNH is like the Harvard of Durham, NH. What I’m getting at is I’ve done a lot of stupid things, some minor some not. For example in that last sentence the words “a lot” I use them a lot, but I never remember it’s two words, Microsoft Word just corrects it for me and I don’t learn a thing.
Have you ever sat back and took stock of all the dumb life threatening shit you've done? Do you it. You’ll be amazed at how many times over you should be dead. You don’t even have to include all the crap you’ve done when you were drunk or maybe you were high, whatever it is you like to do to get out of your own head. I guarantee you wont believe it. What’s weird is I do all the stupid stuff I do stone cold sober. If you look back and can’t find any or very few of these moments you’re probably boring. You should go do some stupid stuff, because if you don’t, what’s the point of living if you’ve never experienced the thrill of almost dying a couple or a dozen times.
I was driving to Charleston South Carolina with my mother one time from Columbia, SC when I notice a silver GMC SUV flip end over end off the side of the highway. I yelled at my mom to stop, dialed 911, threw my phone at my mom, then proceeded to run across eight lanes of on coming traffic to help pull these people out of their vehicle. I don’t know if you have ever ran through 8 lanes of on coming traffic because you have no impulse control but it’s not a smart thing to do. I am not saying don’t help people, well maybe not some people. I am just saying maybe take the path that's not going to end up with you on the side of a rural highway like a bloated dead dear carcass.
I have done this crap on multiple occasions.
There was another time I walked into on coming traffic to help a dog. It was a golden retriever. She was scared and running in and out of an intersection. I pulled my car into the Parking lot of a Captain D’s seafood restaurant and strolled into the middle of the intersection. I put my hand up to let traffic know, “Hey I am walking here!” A police officer saw me do this and was astonished that I would walk into on coming traffic and grab a dog. The officer even pulled over and walked into the parking lot where I knelt petting this dog that had obviously freed itself from a nearby backyard. He asked me if it was my dog I told him it was not. I looked at the dog’s tag and said “but he lives just around the corner.” The police officer called me insane and said he would take her home so I could go on my merry little way. And I did.
I'm not going to stop doing stupid stuff. I'll probably do two or three stupid things today alone. The other day I used a dull axe to chop down two trees, one oak and one maple. The first went down smooth, this was an oak about 12 inches around. The second was the maple it wasn’t huge but with a dull axe it took a couple of shifts to get all the way through and to the ground because it started lean up against a pine tree. I’d venture a guess and say it was a little less than 30 inches around. This task, that in no way had to be done except I am a boy who found an axe in the garage and decided “Whelp this is going to happen now.” So it happened. At about 7:30 that evening I was able to get through the tree and on the way down the limb that had kept it from falling all day splintered and fell on my head. This was probably nature’s way of calling me a son of a bitch for chopping down two trees for no good reason, but again I'm moron. Again last night I went out and chopped down another oak. My reasoning? I needed the exercise.
I think everyone owes it to themselves to be an idiot every now and again. Feel free to take a life insurance policy out on me but cut me in on the up front so I can afford to do more stupid shit.
I'm a bright person but I may not be that smart. I can be quick with a quip or witty retort and I can use words like quip and retort but that’s kind of where it all ends. The other place I was accepted was the University of New Hampshire, which really isn’t a big deal, but to its credit, UNH is like the Harvard of Durham, NH. What I’m getting at is I’ve done a lot of stupid things, some minor some not. For example in that last sentence the words “a lot” I use them a lot, but I never remember it’s two words, Microsoft Word just corrects it for me and I don’t learn a thing.
Have you ever sat back and took stock of all the dumb life threatening shit you've done? Do you it. You’ll be amazed at how many times over you should be dead. You don’t even have to include all the crap you’ve done when you were drunk or maybe you were high, whatever it is you like to do to get out of your own head. I guarantee you wont believe it. What’s weird is I do all the stupid stuff I do stone cold sober. If you look back and can’t find any or very few of these moments you’re probably boring. You should go do some stupid stuff, because if you don’t, what’s the point of living if you’ve never experienced the thrill of almost dying a couple or a dozen times.
I was driving to Charleston South Carolina with my mother one time from Columbia, SC when I notice a silver GMC SUV flip end over end off the side of the highway. I yelled at my mom to stop, dialed 911, threw my phone at my mom, then proceeded to run across eight lanes of on coming traffic to help pull these people out of their vehicle. I don’t know if you have ever ran through 8 lanes of on coming traffic because you have no impulse control but it’s not a smart thing to do. I am not saying don’t help people, well maybe not some people. I am just saying maybe take the path that's not going to end up with you on the side of a rural highway like a bloated dead dear carcass.
I have done this crap on multiple occasions.
There was another time I walked into on coming traffic to help a dog. It was a golden retriever. She was scared and running in and out of an intersection. I pulled my car into the Parking lot of a Captain D’s seafood restaurant and strolled into the middle of the intersection. I put my hand up to let traffic know, “Hey I am walking here!” A police officer saw me do this and was astonished that I would walk into on coming traffic and grab a dog. The officer even pulled over and walked into the parking lot where I knelt petting this dog that had obviously freed itself from a nearby backyard. He asked me if it was my dog I told him it was not. I looked at the dog’s tag and said “but he lives just around the corner.” The police officer called me insane and said he would take her home so I could go on my merry little way. And I did.
I'm not going to stop doing stupid stuff. I'll probably do two or three stupid things today alone. The other day I used a dull axe to chop down two trees, one oak and one maple. The first went down smooth, this was an oak about 12 inches around. The second was the maple it wasn’t huge but with a dull axe it took a couple of shifts to get all the way through and to the ground because it started lean up against a pine tree. I’d venture a guess and say it was a little less than 30 inches around. This task, that in no way had to be done except I am a boy who found an axe in the garage and decided “Whelp this is going to happen now.” So it happened. At about 7:30 that evening I was able to get through the tree and on the way down the limb that had kept it from falling all day splintered and fell on my head. This was probably nature’s way of calling me a son of a bitch for chopping down two trees for no good reason, but again I'm moron. Again last night I went out and chopped down another oak. My reasoning? I needed the exercise.
I think everyone owes it to themselves to be an idiot every now and again. Feel free to take a life insurance policy out on me but cut me in on the up front so I can afford to do more stupid shit.
Here's the tree... and yes that is an old tire.
THIS BLOG ENTRY WAS WRITTEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE WITH NO PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING.
Peak Organics for taste I give you an old picture of 3 hippies doing I don't know what and for your 8.4% ABV a kid who thought he could hang with face down passed out in what looks to be a warehouse serving as a commune for you people.