There's a lot lately that has made me face my own mortality. At my age I know I will not die tragically. It's going to be my own fault. No matter what. I could be climbing a tree saving kitten and be struck lighting. No one is going to care outside of my mom and my creditors. My friends will turn to each other and say:
"Hey did you hear Jim died?"
"Oh really? That's too bad."
"He was climbing a tree to save a kitten."
"A kitten? What? Was he drunk?"
This is why I have adjusted my Priorities. My life long goal is now just simply 58 years. I am more than half way there, at least that makes me feel like I am on the right track.
All my short term goals now involve a 72 oz steak and a bloated Polaroid of me on a restaurant wall with the heading "Hungry Hungry Hombre".
People have this messed up value system that we all abide by for no reason whatsoever.
It goes Children, women, the elderly, white guys, pit bulls... Then everyone else.
I think my only option now is to start a cult. If my death can't be tragic I am at least going to be infamous for ending the lives of others tragically. Get my name and the word tragic in the same sentence together.
I have no wife, I have no kids. No one is going to care about the left over domino's and half empty bottle of Heinz in my refrigerator. My death will not be tragic it will be sad.
Now, if you'll excuse me it's 9:41 am on a Wednesday and Conan The Destroyer is on.
THIS BLOG ENTRY WAS WRITTEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE WITH NO PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING.
"Hey did you hear Jim died?"
"Oh really? That's too bad."
"He was climbing a tree to save a kitten."
"A kitten? What? Was he drunk?"
This is why I have adjusted my Priorities. My life long goal is now just simply 58 years. I am more than half way there, at least that makes me feel like I am on the right track.
All my short term goals now involve a 72 oz steak and a bloated Polaroid of me on a restaurant wall with the heading "Hungry Hungry Hombre".
People have this messed up value system that we all abide by for no reason whatsoever.
It goes Children, women, the elderly, white guys, pit bulls... Then everyone else.
I think my only option now is to start a cult. If my death can't be tragic I am at least going to be infamous for ending the lives of others tragically. Get my name and the word tragic in the same sentence together.
I have no wife, I have no kids. No one is going to care about the left over domino's and half empty bottle of Heinz in my refrigerator. My death will not be tragic it will be sad.
Now, if you'll excuse me it's 9:41 am on a Wednesday and Conan The Destroyer is on.
THIS BLOG ENTRY WAS WRITTEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE WITH NO PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING.
Stone Brewing Enjoy By 04.20.14 I give you a fat guy in a little coat for taste and a roadside sobriety test for your 9.4 ABV