At 30 years of age I have either done too much to this point with my life or I have done way too little. I went to college. Competed at a relatively high level in division 1 track and Field battling injuries the whole time. Dropped out of college for a bit because I couldn’t afford it. Went back to college. Graduated. Drank. Worked a shitty job at local TV station in South Carolina where the entire female element of the staff hated me because they have never been treated like they were actually equal to men in the office by anyone ever.
*AN ASIDE: Listen, if you run up against me in an office setting I am going to treat you like I do everyone else in that office. If you come at me with an emergency that’s only an emergency to you, I will give your situation proper consideration but if it’s not your turn and it’s something that can wait and I am working on something else, you will be queued up. Do not try and flirt with me and when your flirtation fails don’t get angry and go running to supervisors it’s still not going to get your project done any quicker. In fact, I am going to drag my feet and the usual extra things I do to make a project better, not going happen. This is not because you’re a female. This is because you’re an asshole. I do the same thing to guys that are assholes. But you know what? I have encountered less guys that are assholes in the in the office environment than I have women. I am giving everyone exactly what they want, equality. Being dick to people that create or do work that you need done to serve the purpose of your job isn’t a good idea. It’s kind of the same concept of going to a restaurant and being a bitch to your server. It’s not going to improve your service. Just eat the steak well done and shut your mouth, because no one gives a shit about your yelp review.
Here’s some advice look to the person in the office that always gets the stuff they want how are they getting it? They are getting it through clear and concise communication. Never just say “You just do your thing,” because you will not get what you want and when you come back to the person doing the work for you all pissed off because you were not clear, guess what? It’s your fault. This is because they did their thing instead of your thing. This goes for men and women.
In the last seven months I left my fulltime job because I was bored out my skull and my positions was going to be eliminated. I moved to Los Angeles to try and get movie and television production worke, that didn’t workout, because I couldn’t find work and was unable to afford it. I left Los Angeles and Moved back to Raleigh, NC where I have been since February and will probably leave here soon. I have had friendships end, romantic relationships end in and variety of hilarious ways. I drank. I have come up with God knows how many various business ideas that I have tried to get off the ground. I’ve written a couple screenplays and teleplays. Done thousands of hours of stand up comedy. Drank. I have seen, I would say roughly 50-60% of the United States and hope to see more of it as time goes on. I’ve jumped out planes. Worked on some movies. Filmed a few of my own projects. Been hit on by a bunch of different gay dudes because I am apparently a “type.” Made some good friends, drank with them. I had dog, Lucy she was awesome. Lost weight, Gained weight, lost some more weight, gained some weight back, in the process of taking it off again. Have been witness to the gradual recession of my hairline, but kept my head shaved so it really hasn’t been that noticeable. Grew some killer beards off and on for the last ten years. Nearly died 3.5 times, that’ll make you drink. Thought I had it all figured out a couple of times. Drank. Had my life thrown off course either through no fault of my own or through calculated decisions that were pretty risky but seemed like the right thing to do but in the end were really impulsive and I should not have made them. Stayed in one relationship way too long because subconsciously I thought “No, things are going to get better I just need to do X,Y,Z and then they’ll be happy.” On second thought I’ve done that twice. Drank. Watched on facebook as everyone else got married, got fat, a few got skinny, more people got fat and had kids at the same time, and started watching divorces roll in. Laughed. Drank. Laughed a few more times. Wrote a few more jokes. Laughed. Got pretty good at cooking… drank. Went through the financial crisis, which made me wish I wasn’t learning disabled because this inherently makes me terrible at math and therefore unable to find work that would allow me to do all the fun things everyone else is doing in life. (What I am saying is, if I were good at math I probably would have invaded another country by now. Which one? I don’t know let’s say Canada.) Drank. Watched a shit ton of Netflix. Also not brag, but became one of the original Amazon prime members. Drank.
Recently, I have been crashing with three different friends in the Raleigh, NC area. My life is basically what you would think of an 80’s sitcom as being. The lovable loser friend moves in with the married couple and hijinks and hilarity ensue. I’m a crooked nose and messy haircut away from being Owen Wilson in “You, Me and Dupre.”
CORONADO x CIGAR CITY BREWING COLLABORATION JURATA BALTIC PORTER I give you five rappers for FLAVA and two Billy Joels for your 8% ABV